Teresa’s Ministry of Doubt and Despair
Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light, a newly published collection of Mother Teresa’s letters to her confessors and confidants, is causing a stir among the religious and secular alike. Time magazine just published a story on the book as well.What’s causing a stir is the revelation of the dark, lonely, even despairing soul that Teresa was for the last four decades of her life. “Jesus has a very special love for you,” she wrote a confidant. “[But] as for me, the silence and the emptiness is so great, that I look and do not see, — Listen and do not hear — the tongue moves [in prayer] but does not speak … I want you to pray for me — that I let Him have [a] free hand.” Elsewhere, she confessed that “the smile” is “a mask” or “a cloak that covers everything.” To an adviser, she wrote: “I spoke as if my very heart was in love with God — tender, personal love. If you were [there], you would have said, ‘What hypocrisy.’”Until now, Teresa was a great and admirable Christian and humanitarian. Now, she is a saint in my book. I urge you to read the article … and perhaps it’ll move you to purchase the book as I did just now.Funny how a glimpse of the dark doubts of her life minister to me so profoundly. Her despair gives me hope.
Turning my eyes toward Adventism, I wish we knew more of Ellen White’s problems and more of her problematic, conflict(ed/ing), at times paradoxical unpublished writings were published in the manner of Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light. I know that it’s going to happen eventually (hopefully in my lifetime), and I long for that to happen soon.Adventism desperately needs more light on the “lesser light.” Light invariably reveals flaws. But it is those very flaws that serve as rays of warmth and hope for the rest of us who wallow in doubt, despair, and darkness and, just like Teresa, struggle to project serenity and radiance. I need, in a sense, more of Ellen’s problems and frustrations and less of modernistic apologetics that harmonizes incongruencies and explains away her problems. I need my prophet to also minister to me through her doubt and despair.~ With thanks to Zane Yi who encouraged me to read the article in Time and urged me to blog on it. I was aware of the article, but was about to … not read it!
August 24th, 2007 at 4:06 pm
Many prophets had crises from time to time. Elijah comes to mind.
That said any such stuff about Ellen White would be sure to bring only doubt and skepticism in such a cynical and dishonest age of ours.
August 25th, 2007 at 12:10 am
There are many places in the released Ellen White materials where she makes parallel comments to those by Mother Theresa, where she speaks of being “low,” discouraged, ill, etc. If you have read her chapter on “doubt” in Steps to Christ, you can easily see that she is a person with some familiarity with nagging questions. Anyone who thinks that Ellen White was cut from the relentlessly positive mold that has become popular in Christian circles in recent decades has simply not spent enough time in her materials. Scripture is also replete with similar examples; Elijah hiding in a cave and asking God to take his life and even our Lord on His knees in the Garden pleading “take this cup from me” while yet faithful to His Father’s purposes. No follower of Jesus has been so alone and overcome with spiritual silence as when He died on the cross, yet those hwo are most serious about following in His footsteps often experience the things that we find in Theresa’s letters. Those who are shocked by this reveal the lack of depth in their on spiritual experience.
August 25th, 2007 at 1:10 am
As far as I know, most of White’s published statements on being discouraged come from her early years and in reference to her pre-visionary years. Sure, she gets discouraged about her husband, children, work, people, etc., but nowhere do I find the kind of raw, visceral sense of existential anguish that I get from Teresa.
Now, the unpublished writings, available currently only by spending time at a White Estate branch, show a different story. They give you a richer, more complex, and fuller view of Ellen.
The picture of Ellen one gets from her published writings is, in a sense, a packaged one. Even her confessions of doubt and discouraged have some didactic/homiletical purpose and uplifting resolutions. That chapter on doubt in Steps to Christ - hmm, my reading of that chapter is quite different. The way she approaches doubt … I wish she would’ve been affirming of doubt as a healthy part of faith. But that would be projecting my theology and attitudes on her, which is unfair. (I think we’re also talking about temperamental differences here as well.)
The impression I get of Teresa’s letters is that questions lingered for her and she wasn’t always sure about in whom she believed to her death. I find that beautiful.
But, of course, Ellen isn’t Teresa, nor does she have to be, and Ellen should be appreciated for who she was and what she stood for. But part of me still wishes to know more of her “dark side.”
August 25th, 2007 at 11:18 am
There can be no faith that is not first preceded by doubt. And where doubt is completely erased will often be shallow mindlessness. I am comforted by Mother Teresa’s confessions of almost a lifetime of doubt, because I have benefited greatly from doubt: it has caused me to question nearly everything about Christianity and religions in general, to the admission today that I am an agnostic; not an atheist. If belief is not entirely personal, it is a useless fraud.
Too few are willing to admit their “long, dark nights of the soul” to which they’ve been thrown. Admission is the first step of being honest rather than being in denial. How many pastors have you heard from the pulpit admitting their doubts? Our pastor has freely admitted that for a while he even doubted the existence of God. but also told us of how he found his way back.
He also told us in one of his earliest interviews that. although he was raised an Adventist and graduated from an SDA college, he had never discovered the Gospel of Grace. It was through his fiancee, a Pentecostal, that he began reading Paul and discovered what 16 years of SDA education had failed to show him. Doubtless, he could diagram the 2300 days and explain Daniel and Revelation, and the points of Paul’s missionary journeys, but where was Paul’s message given?
Those of us who have read widely in studying Christian history have come to realize that there were many twists and turns before the church was fully established, and the founders stumbled along, developing doctrines as the church evolved. It is still evolving. All religions are man-made and once that is admitted, we can begin to realize that humans devise all sorts of ways of explaining death and theodicy. Job is a perfect example: it was never made clear to him, why should we think we have found it?
August 25th, 2007 at 9:34 pm
One of my favorite human beings is Dr. Albert Schweitzer. He had earned doctorates in Medicine, Philosophy, and Religion. He studied organ, in Paris, at Saint-Sulpice, with Charles Marie Widor. He could have remained in Europe, comfortable, rich and renowned. But no…he went to equatorial Africa, and operated a clinic to minister to “the least of these, my bretheren,” in a manner similar to that of Mother Teresa
He had his doubts. He wrote “The Quest of the Historical Jesus,” which was a “critical study of its progress from Reimarus to Wrede,” and the real beginning of modern Jesus Studies. His conclusions were basically negative. “Those who are fond of talking about negative theology can find their account here. There is nothing more negative than the result of the critical study of the Life of Jesus.” - Quest, pg. 398.
However, the final chapter reveals a positive distillation of essential Christianity. “But the truth is, it is not Jesus as historically known, but Jesus as spiritually arisen within men, who is significant for our time and can help it. Not the historical Jesus, but the spirit which goes forth from Him and in the spirits of men strives for new influence and rule, is that which overcomes the world.”- Quest, pg. 401.
“Jesus as a concrete historical personality remains a stranger to our time, but His spirit, which lies hidden in His words, is known in simplicity, and its influence is direct. Every saying contains in its own way the whole Jesus. The very strangeness and unconditionedness in which He stands before us makes it easier for individuals to find their own personal standpoint in regard to Him.”- Quest, pg. 401.
And finally, “He comes to us as One unknown, without a name, as of old, by the lake-side, He came to those men who knew Him not. He speaks to us the same word: “Follow thou me!” and sets us to the tasks which He has to fulfil for our time. He commands. And to those who obey Him, whether they be wise or simple, He will reveal Himself in the toils, the conflicts, the sufferings which they shall pass through in His fellowship, and, as an ineffable mystery, they shall learn in their own experience Who He is.”- Quest, pg. 403.
Point is, Mother Teresa followed in the footsteips of Jesus even when all seemed lost. “For now we see through a glass darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.” -
1 Corinthians 13:12.
August 26th, 2007 at 2:53 pm
Doesn’t that echo what Jesus said would entitle people to enter Heaven? By doing exactly what Mother Teresa did? They were not praised for their faith, but their actions. That should encourage us all: “If you do it to one of the least ot these…..”
August 27th, 2007 at 8:58 am
I just tried to comment and it didn’t publish…hmm, I’m sure I’ll be much less brilliant this time around : )
I have this magazine article waiting on my desk to read when I finish unpacking as a little incentive!
I wanted to mention (hopefully not being redundant) that one of the things I love most about Harry Potter is that Rowling accuratvely and heart-breakingly represents the dark night of the soul in the last book. I think we all have to go through a dark night of the soul or our faith isn’t truly tested.
Harry’s big decision in book 7 is whether or not to follow Dumbledore’s plan (Dumbledore being the God/church authority figure in the series) even though he doesn’t have any beyond-a-shadow-of-doubt proof that Dumbledore knew what he was doing, that he was even the good man/wizard that Harry had always believed (a salacious book comes out in the popular press with all sorts of rumors and accusations), or even if Dumbledore truly loved him and had his best interest at heart. He’s plagued with doubt and despair, trying to decide whether or not to believe.
Reminds me of a lot of saints who go through deep, dark nights of despair and still have to choose to move forward.
August 31st, 2007 at 7:47 am
Julius:
You are so right; this was about as compelling a story as I’ve read in a long time. Incredibly moving I found. So interesting that she was so insistent that her personal letters be destroyed; she worried that their content would draw readers AWAY from Christ, and towards her. Ironic then that for me, personally, it had the precise opposite effect!!
While it’s easy to just say 4+ decades of doubt and barren loneliness, the essay clearly shows how she advanced in her understanding of what she was “going through”. That is, after some years she stopped seeking what seemed clear she would never (likely) again recover and entered a sort of “resignation phase” (my term) wherein she said “OK — what do I do NOW?” This mirrors what I have found MYself doing with my own personal doubt (a huge issue for me in my personal “faith life”) and that is to echo the words of (Peter?) who replies, when Christ asks if they will leave also…
LORD — WHERE WILL WE GO??
So it’s as if she knew inside that she had to persist with the vision she ONCE had in the past. That takes lots of inner discipline.
I guess it puzzles me a bit that the driving insight of her life was that Christ WAS present with her — in the form of the poor and destitute all around her, yet she still found Him “absent”. So her pain at not sensing God’s presence seems to contradict her insight. Know what I mean?
While I like Christopher Hitchens, the writer, I found his comment on this rather cruel: “She was no more exempt from the realization that religion is a human fabrication than any other person, and that her attempted cure was more and more professions of faith could only have deepened the pit that she had dug for herself.”
The Psychoanalytic aspects are intriguing also. Many have tended to “diagnose her condition less as a gift of God than as a subconscious attempt at the most radical kind of humility: she punished herself with a crippling failure to counterbalance her great successes.”
“And yet “the question is, Who determined the abandonment she experienced?” says Dr. Richard Gottlieb, a teacher at the New York Psychoanalytic Society & Institute who has written about the church and who was provided a copy of the book by TIME. “Could she have imposed it on herself?” Psychologists have long recognized that people of a certain personality type are conflicted about their high achievement and find ways to punish themselves.”
I’m rather sure that a creative analyst could explain just about ANY phenomenon in the realm of belief/unbelief — including Hitchens’….
One last note; I absolutely loved the mentoring process that goes on between her and those around/above her. That she felt so comfortable sharing such “shocking inner thoughts” (though not at all shocking to more Christians than would admit, is my bet) speaks very well of this concept. How many of US have those around and above us who are real and compassionate enough to do this non-judgmentally and constructively?? I particularly liked these lines from the article:
“…when she turned to him (her superior) with her “darkness,” he seems to have told her the three things she needed to hear: that there was no human remedy for it (that is, she should not feel responsible for affecting it); that feeling Jesus is not the only proof of his being there, and her very craving for God was a “sure sign” of his “hidden presence” in her life; and that the absence was in fact part of the “spiritual side” of her work for Jesus.”
Thank God for those wise enough to not let doubt cloud the ability to choose and act.
Thanks Julius…..
August 31st, 2007 at 8:57 am
Julius,
I’m a little late on responding to this, but I was very thankful for your post. It was exactly reflective of my experience. I was told about the article by Michael Peabody before the magazine was available on newsstands. Now I’ve read it and talk with others a bit about it, and my reaction was exactly like yours. Gives me hope. I find it encouraging in every way.
The book should be on its way soon from Amazon. I think it’s released next week.
August 31st, 2007 at 1:34 pm
Recently, a religion reporter for the LA Times, who had considered becoming Roman Catholic, lost most of his faith, covering the sexual abuse scandal in the Roman Catholic Church. He was extremely disillusioned by the way the church handled the situation. He quit his job, in part, to try to salvage what little faith he had left.
How many altar boys (and Nuns) have lost their faith in God the Father, because of abusive priests? How many have been driven into lives of quiet desperation, and even super human service, as an attempt to escape the gulilt, shame, and pain of past abuse?
August 31st, 2007 at 4:56 pm
Mr. Vickham,
Is this a standalone observation?
August 31st, 2007 at 5:26 pm
For those wanting a more realistic view of Ellen White, let me suggest her autobiography, the one found in Testimonies, Vol. 1. Unfortunately, it only covers her life up through the death of her husband, James, in 1881. I understand that she wrote the autobiography in 1885. In many ways, it is a very grim story, one in which she expresses several times the wish that she had never been born.
With notable exceptions, to be sure, my students are both sobered and blessed by this austere account. I would wish that we were able to read Jeremiah, Job, Ezekiel and the nearly half of the psalms that are laments, not from a merely critical perspective, but from the perspective of the soul. Mother Teresa’s story just might give Adventists permission to see that which our cheerful American perspective tends to write off as undesirable whining.
August 31st, 2007 at 9:24 pm
Wondering: Just the discouraged opinion of a lone nut (sorry, no conspiracy).
Dr. Thompson: Thank-you for decades of balanced writing and ministry. I have often wished I could have taken a long horse and buggy ride with Ellen White through the Napa Valley on a sunny spring day, and had a long heart to heart with her. It might have been, dare I say…fun?
But then there is the flip-side. I beleive she saw reality (both physical and spiritual) so painfully clear, that it must have seemed life-threatening at times. When one gets to the top of the mountain (Sinai, Golgotha, or Howell), one might not like the view.
Also, who does God go to after taking it all in, war after war, century after century? Does God ever lose faith in God?
September 2nd, 2007 at 8:51 am
I think that we should be careful to not elevate or denigrate MT spiritual experience. We simply cannot read her heart. This type of judgement exclusively belongs to God.
It does appear that most Christians believe in a pre-advent judgement. So many are willing to put MT in heaven and others are willing to place her in hell.
September 16th, 2007 at 7:40 pm
Christopher Hitchens impressed some of us quite differently. What struck me was his article in Newsweek:
“Now it might seem glib of me to say that this is all rather unsurprising, and that it is the inevitable result of a dogma that asks people to believe impossible things and then makes them feel abject and guilty when their innate reason rebels. Because she could not force herself into accepting the facile cure-all
of ‘faith,’ is that of a fairly simple woman struggling to be honest with herself, while also–this is important–sriving to be an example to others.”
Haven’t many Christians who’ve been placed on a pedestal (by either their church or others) felt this terrible contradiction–that they’re living a lie by pretending what they cannot be? It’s the effort of “redoubling your efforts when you have forgotten your aim” (Santayana).